Day 21

I seriously have not been counting down the days until I see him next, because quite frankly I didn't think I was going to see him for at least three months. As it turns out, my parents are going to let me visit Buddy on A day to see him! I can't decide yet if I want it to be a surprise or not, but I will have to decide soon because I will get a phone call from him soon so I might have to tell him. I decided to count how many days I had until I see him, and I thought time was flying by fairly fast, but I thought wrong! I have approximately 27 days until I see him (only for a day, but I'll take what I can get), and I have only gone 21 without him! Wow, how crazy is this! I'm not even half way through, and I still feel like it's been months since I've seen him. Thankfully, I have been able to strengthen my relationship with Christ and with my friends. I have also had too much time alone to think, since my best friend has been gone for about a week, staying at my Cape Cod house! It usually makes me happy to think about Buddy, but today I have been very sad thinking about him and all the awesome times we have had together as best friends! I mean seriously, he is my best friend in the entire world. But I could not be more proud of him and his accomplishments at the Academy! For physical fitness, he is 13th out of 1,250 people in his class! How crazy is that?! Although, I did not doubt for a second that he would be any lower than that! I knew he would be up there. This time apart has made me a stronger and better person already, and like I said, it has only been 21 days! Only a little over 24 hours until a get a phone call! I can't wait to hear his voice! He called once before, but we only talked for about 6 or 7 minutes. Still, it was amazing to hear his voice again! He already sounds more mature, and his strength and trust in the Lord has also grown! He has been going to church on Sundays, chapel on Wednesdays, and doing a Bible study! He is so passionate, and just that is worth being apart. That is the part that I am most proud. He is so passionate about God, and it makes me so proud and so excited for him. Even though we are apart, I feel like we are closer than ever! We both know we will be okay without the other, and now we are more independent. We both realize we are a child of God first, before I'm his girlfriend or he's my boyfriend. These things make me feel closer to Buddy because I feel stronger, and I KNOW he is stronger too! Being apart does not make our experiences much different, because we both share the pain that involves being apart. We are both experiencing the same separation, and the energy it takes to trust in God. God is our rock right now, whether he wants us to be together or not. I know that for now and prayerfully in the future we are supposed to be together, and I trust God with what he has in store for us. But as for now, I could not be more proud of him and more excited about what God is doing in our lives during the next 27 days, and the rest of our college careers!

letters

So for a while I was thinking that Buddy wasn't going to write me, but it turns it that he had been writing me every day! I got the first letter about 4 days ago, and three letters came all at once! I am so pumped, but a little worried about him. He says he doesn't like it too much, but my parents and everyone else say that is extremely normal. As my dad says, "It's not called little poodle, it's not called butterfly, it's not called BEAST!" He goes, "you know what a beast does? It kicks your ass!" Lol, it made me really laugh. :) Although I miss him a lot, every day gets so much easier. Not only that, but he says he gets to call today or tomorrow! How awesome will that be to hear his voice?! Gosh I am so excited! Because I don't feel so sad anymore, I finally feel like I am ready to go to college. I am so in love with Buddy, and I am so confident that we will make it through anything, especially if we can make it through this. I am so excited for the future! Just one step at a time

Excited

I've been at the lake with my family since Friday for the Fourth of July weekend, and it has been fun, but I am ready to go home! The lake this week has been pretty hard because everyone is a couple except me and gramps. Rollin and Jennifer, Mom and Dad, Uncle Don and Aunt Virginia, and Timmy and Kristen. It's just weird because I always have Buddy here with me! Oh well. I am actually starting to get used to all of this. And now I am so excited because my best friend told me today that I have a letter in the mail from Buddy (I couldn't check it because I'm still at the lake)! I really can't wait to get home now! Recently I talked to my family about seeing Buddy on A day and Labor day weekend, and they agreed as long as I can get the money for the first trip up there, because it's only for a day. I'm so lucky that my parents are so supportive of me! God has really pulled me through this, and I can't thank Him enough for what he is doing in my life! Before I was hesitant about Buddy leaving, hoping that he would be thinking of me, and wondering if he still cares about me and is thinking about me and whatever WEIRD and STUPID thoughts crossed my mind. But I finally realized Buddy loves me no matter what, he's my best friend, and OF COURSE he's thinking of me! We've been together for four years and have been through a lot, and if he's not thinking of me and doesn't love me anymore than we never even had anything in the first place. I am just silly to even think these things. I am trying to surprise Buddy by going up on A day and I'm really excited! Another thing that has really helped me is the Facebook page that is updated with pictures and captions about what they have been doing every single day. The first thing I do in the morning and before I go to bed is see what my man has been up to! I've only seen 2 pictures of him so far, but we still have 5 1/2 weeks to go, so I'm sure there will be plenty more of him to see. There's nothing better than finding your Waldo in the bunch of cadets! I have all of these people praying for me, and I know it's helping because I have been stronger than I could have ever imagined. It's amazing what God can do when you need him the most. Don't get me wrong, even when we feel like we don't need him, we need him; but when we cry out for help God seems to always be there. Happy Independence Day America, Go Army, Hooah, and thank you soldiers for defending our freedoms! GO USA

...

I am finally starting to break down. I really haven't had a second to myself to think because I have been so extremely busy with my friends and trying to keep myself going. I have really realized that I won't be able to see Buddy until september, AND I really won't see him much at all this year. Before it seemed fine that I'd be able to see him on major holidays and then he has 2 weekend leaves, but it is just so weird that when I do see him it'll only be in little spurts. WHY IS THIS SO HARD?! I wish life could be easy. I hate long distance relationships. How can one second Buddy and I are having the time of our lives together, seeing each other every single day at school, and then all of the sudden our entire relationship is changed and I never see him anymore? And I don't get to talk to him at all! That's the worst part! I'll just be happy to be able to talk to him at all. Why does God throw these obstacles our way? It sucks so badly! I guess I'm not the only one going through this. Millions of military families are going through the same empty pain that I am feeling, and girlfriends and wives of them are hurting just as much as I am. I right now I just can't wait to see him. It still drives me crazy that I am not able to know what he is doing every day. I still haven't heard from him in a letter, but hopefully he will tell me what they have been doing. uuhhhhggggggg my life!

Going insane!

Its only day 5 of not seeing Buddy, and only day 3 of not being able to talk to him and I am already going crazy! All I can think about is him, dream about is him, talk about is him, and I think I am psycho! Wow. How much do I miss him you ask? More than words can even describe! I am literally counting down the days until I can even just talk to him! I miss him so so so so so much! It is really good though because I have kept myself extremely busy to the point where I have barely had a minute to myself. The only times I have had a minute to myself is when I am in the car. Those times can be hard because his piggy bank is sitting in the passenger seat, and we were supposed to get it cashed together. I know that is such a little thing to worry about, but its a constant reminder that he is gone. But it also makes him real in  a way because sometimes it feels like he isn't even alive. The thing that drives me the most crazy is the fact that I have no idea what he is doing! I am just dying to know what kind of awesome things he has experienced already. He is in a totally different world than I am in right now and it is just crazy how close our hearts are, but how different and far away our lives are right now. If I didn't have family or friends I would be dying right now. I have already seen Sushi, Buddy's grandma; I have talked to one of his brothers, his mom, and his dad. I have been doing very well with keeping up with his family. It makes me feel closer to him because I know that they miss and love the same person that I do. Buddy has brought so many people together just be succeeding in life and doing so well for himself. I have developed a great relationship with his mom, dad, dad's girlfriend and her daughter, his brothers and sister, and grandma! We have all come together to pull each other through this hard time with out him. God bless him and his family! Come home soon Buddy, we love you and miss you!

Last moments

Well it was a rough start, but  surprisingly I am doing okay. I am very confident in my relationship with Buddy, and know that we will both be okay. It's weird because last night was the last time I am going to hear his voice for 6 1/2 weeks. That's the longest time I've been without him since we have been together and the longest time I've gone without talking to him. Not saying that it's going to be easy, but I am so confident I will get through it. Last night when I got off of the phone with him, I felt this peace that I haven't felt in several months because I've been extremely stressed out about him leaving. I know God is giving me strength through this time, and I know he gives me some peace about being away from Buddy. What is really good about all of this, is that I have already grown in my relationship with God because I have been putting all my fears and stress in his hands. I know that I can't handle all of this on my own, so I just give it all over to him. My family and friends also have something to do with me feeling more confident, because have so much love and support from all of them, God bless them! Logan, Tori, Lauren,  Anna, Mom, Dad, Jennifer...I couldn't ask for more love and support! I'm also getting over being sick, and I feel much much better today. I also just found out yesterday that Buddy has labor day weekend off so I'm going to fly up to see him and I have that to look forward to which is so exciting! Today is going to be a beautiful day because I'm spending it with my three best friends! Tomorrow I am going to visit Buddy's grandma with them as well and talk to her for a while. She will have some good advice for me, and also give me good moral support. I have so many good plans for the time that he's gone so I know it will fly by. Before I know it I will be moving into my dorm with my awesome roommate and start a new chapter in my life. The last moments I spend with Buddy and talking to him were only the last moments for a while, but not forever. I love you Buddy and can't wait to see you!

Buddy leaves tomorrow

For those of you who do not know, I have been in a relationship for almost four years! His name is Buddy, and he is the love of my life! Most people think I am crazy for staying in a relationship right before we both venture off to college, but he makes me happy. I don't know why either of us would end things for a stupid reason. It is basically still the beginning of summer, yet he is already starting a new chapter in his life...without me! Buddy's life long dream has been to join the army; he worked extremely hard and got into his number one school, the United States Military Academy at West Point. Yes, he is smart, in great shape, and a hard worker. He deserves every bit of it. Although, God did have a big role in helping him to get in. I couldn't be any more proud of him! This new time in his life will truly challenge his faith, work ethic, relationships back at home, and his body. He leaves tomorrow, and officially starts June 27th. During the next six and a half weeks I do not get to talk to him, except through letters (which are limited in what you can say). He can call me the third week of basic training, but only for a few minutes. This will be by far the longest I have been away from him in almost four years! YIKES! As much as this sucks, I know the Lord will help me to be strong and get through every second of it. I have been blessed with amazing friends who I know will help me every second of the way, and an amazing family who has always supported me and will have my back. I haven't felt this sad in a long time but I know that I can stay strong. Today is my last day with him, and after this our lives are going to be completely different. I won't get to see him often at all for the first year, and our relationship will now be long distance. Hopefully these next six weeks will fly by so I can go up and see him with my four best friends! It'll only be for a day, but I'll take what I can get. I remember when we first met, he told me that he wanted to join the army, and I figured it was just an idea, and that it really wasn't going to happen, but it did. So now that he is about to take his next steps in his life in the army, I will support him no matter what. God has not cursed me with this, but has blessed him and I with a strong future. I know that when I go to college I will be involved in campus ministries and taking my new beginning as a chance to grow closer to God. Not only will I be independent from my family, but I will be from Buddy as well. I won't have him by my side all of the time, so I will definitely take this opportunity to make myself better and concentrate on areas in my life I wasn't able to before. All of this is a blessing and is a new beginning, not just a tough change. Buddy and I are so incredibly blessed to have each other through these times and I am excited to share the next four years with him as his army girlfriend :) Stay tough military girlfriends!